Three years

Three Years – September 10th, 2019

Today marks three years. Three years ago, today, I made the choice to take back control of my life. I got sober. If you know me or you’ve been following my story, you know that my sobriety began with a challenge to myself. A challenge to step away from the numbing as I no longer liked neither how I was feeling or who I had become on the inside. My higher self began speaking to me for a few years prior to Sept 10, 2016. I drowned that voice for years. Only when I challenged myself for those first 30 days, did the voice begin to radiate throughout my entire being and I began to finally really tune within.

You see, I began drinking when I was 16 years old. At the time, it seemed like everyone around me was partaking in the activity. I drank to be accepted and to fit in. I drank to be more social and cover my anxieties. I drank because it was Friday. I drank because it was the weekend. I drank because it was Sunday Funday. I drank for celebrations. I drank to mourn. I drank because it was happy hour. I drank because I was at a restaurant. I drank because I liked the taste. I drank because I was happy. I drank because I was stressed. I drank because I was sad and didn’t want to feel. I drank because it was a bad day and I needed to kick the edge. I drank because it was a good day and I wanted to ride it out. I drank because the weather was beautiful. I drank because the weather was terrible. I drank because the media shows only the glory of alcohol and not the darkness and distance that resides. I drank on holidays. I drank on weekdays. I drank every day ending in a Y. Eventually, I no longer chose to drink, but the drinking chose me. Any activity that we begin that becomes routine, no matter what it is, becomes a habit and eventually, potentially, an addiction. I eventually became addicted to being numb.

After the first 30 days without the alcohol/drugs/numbing, I loved how I was feeling. I loved learning more about myself. I didn’t want this new feeling to end so I pushed myself to keep it going. I knew at that time, just one drink or one night would take that feeling away from me. I eventually shared my story and put it out into the universe making it more real for myself and for others. The first year was full of new experiences that I had never felt. It was challenging being in my own skin at times, not numbing, but overcoming these experiences/situations/events without the toxins, I soared. I grew. I changed. I discovered more of my true self, more of who I was meant to be. I became a better daughter, sister, friend, a better stepmother, cousin, niece, and auntie. Ultimately, I became a better me.

Alcohol, or any mind-altering substance, numbs the senses and lowers inhibitions. Our senses are our bodies’ direct connection to the soul and the outside world. When we lose these senses, we ultimately lose that connection to our higher selves. I lost this connection for a very long time. I lost who I was on the inside. But she has been found. She radiates within. She glows through all of my being. I no longer hold regret. I no longer am ashamed. I no longer am anxious. I no longer am scared of this world because I now know who I am and who I am meant to be. I am connected to my true self, my soul, the universe and I now love this person with all of my being.

The journey hasn’t been easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Each year has brought new challenges but instead of running from them, like I had done for years, I have grown. I have tackled head-on things that I never would have thought to have done before. I now push myself out of my comfort zone to fully experience this lifetime. I now live and am fully present.

I wish I could show you how beautiful sobriety is. I wish I could hold your hand and take you through my journey step by step. I wish you could see what I see. We each have our own journeys. We each walk our own paths. We each are here in this lifetime to bring something different to this world. I have no doubt, that this is part of my purpose. I have been chosen to share my story and I will continue to share it in hopes that it reaches other souls.

To those who have reached out to me and shared with me your own struggles… I see you. I see you and you are worth it. The power is within all of us. For those who have begun the journey, I am so incredibly proud of you. It keeps getting better and easier each and every day. One day at a time.

I send my love and light to each and every one of you. May we release what is holding us back and is no longer meant for us. May we all be happy and free.

Love. Light. & Health. - Renee

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” - Mahatma Gandhi