A Prose to Alcohol
A poem, written shortly after my first year of sobriety
You were once my best friend.
You were always there for me when I was happy.
You were there for me when I was sad.
You helped calm me of my thoughts and allowed me to escape myself.
We laughed.
We cried.
We fought.
But we always made up.
Each night you were there for me.
Our friendship ended and though I miss you some days, I know I am a better person without you.
Your bond with those I care about most is still strong.
They still graciously invite you into their lives and now you spend more time with them than I do.
Everyone chooses to share their fun with you.
You get to celebrate the good times together.
You comfort them on their bad days.
You are still their rock.
They choose you over me.
Every night they choose you.
I wish some nights that they would choose me.
It is so hard to be put second.
The tension between us is growing.
I feel your icy glare as you exchange secrets behind my back.
The air becomes so thick with tension as you enter the room.
We had ended on bad terms.
You had become too much a part of my life and became the best friend I didn’t need.
You ruined me and now I sit back only to watch you ruin others.
They are under your spell like I once was.
I get it.
I wish I could show them that they don’t need you.
That the happiness you bring is only temporary.
You are not worth it.
Aug 28, 2018 - It is hard to read and process this, as I can almost feel the emotions I was experiencing at the time I wrote this. It was, has and at times continues to be hard. Many relationships have changed in my life due to my sobriety. This was told to me to be the hardest part. I didn’t understand it at the time, but it became more clear to me a year later, and now, after almost two years, I finally understand it. I was hurting deeply as I struggled to accept these changes nearly a year ago... today, I have come to learn and accept, though not easily or very willingly that these differences in my life are OK and a part of my journey.